A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
