just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
