you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My feet surprised me
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