Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
