call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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