Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Everything about him screamed your future.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
