Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
