guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
