Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
