Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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