Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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