That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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