Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
