At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
