I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
