so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
