Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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