i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
