capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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