she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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