so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
