oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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