Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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