Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
