since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
