question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
