I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
