you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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