I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
