Apparently you make a good broom.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
