i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
