god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
