tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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