Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
