Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
