I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
