I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
