That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
