i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
