Me too!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
