guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
