wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
