It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
