Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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