oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
