Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're like the curious george of whores
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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