The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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