he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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