Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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