He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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